08-22-17

Six months. I remember my friend Shannon telling me it takes about six months for your life to start coming back together after your mom dies. She was right. Yesterday marked six months since my mom died. I have a job, I’m going back to school in September. I stopped crying every single day but god. Is it hard? Yes. The pain is numbing, I feel numb 75% of the time. My mental health is still wavering. I still feel as if I am alone in this world, but I do recognize now that I have the best friends and family anybody could ask for. My life in Tennessee gets better every day, even though I live alone I do feel as if I have a support system here. My grandparents have the kindest souls I have ever seen. My brother takes care of me, so subtly but I can see it and I don’t know what I would do without him either. My friends from Lakeland reach out to me daily still. I wouldn’t be where I am today without any of them. After leaving an abusive relationship, having to relive every moment of  abuse because I am petitioning for a restraining order, not having a job for a while, I really didn’t think I was going to make it. And I know I couldn’t have without everybody currently in my life, from my friends and family back home to my friends and family here, Every day I am changing and evolving into the person I want to be. It doesn’t get easier but it gets…something. One lesson I have learned and continued to learn that being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. One lesson I am still learning is to not be so hard on myself over the past mistakes I have made and the mistakes I will continue to make. I believe that if you aren’t changing every day, even if its little choices that make you into a better person or even just make you feel better when you’re having a bad day, you aren’t living. I know how cliché it sounds but its so TRUE. I PROMISE. Every time you get out of bed when you don’t HAVE to, or when you remember to eat, or when you step outside at all after feeling so drained and broken. The little events matter as much as the big ones. that is all. thank u for reading.

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